Do you find yourself managing difficult people, or is the real problem that you find them difficult? And if so, why? John*, a business coaching client, recently wanted to address an issue dealing with a staff member Elaine*, a member of his management team who was not performing effectively, but was seeking a promotion which he felt she didn’t deserve.

John found that she came up with great ideas but had, in his perception, acted like a loose cannon, been “manipulative” towards colleagues, and unpredictable in terms of attendance. This was causing him significant stress and had recently come to a head because she had gone over John’s head on a sensitive issue.

Our coaching session covered three main things that John raised…

·         Managing expectations: John felt that Elaine’s performance and behaviour did not deserve promotion, even if the organisation was in a position to offer it. He even used the phrase “over my dead body”! So John had told Elaine that because of cutbacks she was not eligible for promotion. However as we discussed this, I asked him if this was being honest with her – he acknowledged that  this created an unrealistic expectation for her (ie reinforcing the belief that her current performance level was worthy of promotion.) John agreed that he needed to define more clearly what would be expected of her to be promoted to the next level, and work with her to identify areas she could improve on.

·         Square peg, round hole: We discussed Elaine’s strengths and whether she was suited to her role – it certainly sounded like she was a creative person with lots of good ideas but that she mightn’t have the opportunity to use that ability in the role she was in. It is possible that perhaps if she was feeling her ideas weren’t valued, this might cause her to feel resentment and behave in an unpredictable and unprofessional manner. John is now looking at ways to give her options to contribute her ideas and use her strengths in the most productive way.

·         When perception is not reality? One of the biggest blocks that we identified in addressing John’s goal was the fact that he was making a judgement and attaching the label of “manipulative” to Elaine’s behaviours, which was “pressing his buttons”. He recognised that this was clouding his vision and that he was responding to all the baggage that he had previously experienced with Elaine, instead of looking objectively at the situation as it was presently, and being clear about what outcome he wanted. He felt that in this case, perception was not actually the reality and planned to have an open conversation with Elaine about the behaviours he expected in future.

The bottom line is that we are all faced with situations in work and personal life that press our buttons, and often we operate on autopilot - automatically responding to what’s happened to us before, rather than seeing things clearly as they are right now. So while others may also find a particular person “difficult”, if you observe how the situation is pressing your buttons and think about the real reasons you are responding this way to a particular person, you can choose a new response that achieves better results for both of you.

Liz Barron, Realize Coaching – www.realize.ie 086 8162281